Tell the truth, I'm kind of cranky today. Asthma is kicking my butt, the allergies aren't helping either. I kind of feel like that kid in school everyone took the long way around...and dammit that was so unfair! I think nobody would choose to have asthma or allergies. Not that that kid was me, I wasn't diagnosed with either until I was an adult. How fun! I have eczema behind my ears, I'm wheezing, sneezing, itching and croaking. I am a joy to behold and be around.
I feel guilty for feeling cranky. I feel guilty for not being at my best. I don't have the attention everyone needs, I can't be "on" for them. It's not their fault I don't feel well. Since they were old enough to understand, I've tried to let the kids know when I'm not having the best day. Sometimes I'm not going to be able to give my all and be uber aware of everything like I normally try to be. Sometimes I am only capable of sitting like a lump in the comfy chair. Staring into space. Like a creepy zombie. This persona has her own identity. She is...The Craw-Mama. Not exactly crabby, not exactly Mama, some mutant species in between. My rally cry is "Craw! Craw" and I have pincers instead of arms because I may not quite be able to give my all and sometimes some things slip through.
Oddly though, being Craw-Mama doesn't make me as cranky as being plain old sick Mama. Maybe being so silly about it all makes me put it into perspective. I don't have to be perfect today and that's okay too.
I guess I need to take that attitude out every day, huh? Craw-Mama the imperfect she-ro, thank you for teaching me a very important lesson!
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