Wholistic is my goal. Wholistic is me. Too many people live their lives in a succession of tiny boxes, none of which allow a body to breathe. We're expected to define and describe ourselves in sound-bites, an easy handle for someone else to pick us up and throw into a pile. A pile that we haven't had a say in labeling. "Woman", "Fat", "Scrawny", "Ugly", "Airhead", "Troublemaker", "Feminist". Just to start. I don't want to live my life in someone else's pile anymore. I want to become fully me. The me I was meant to be. I want to be the me that tries, that fails, that gets up and tries some more. I want to be imperfect, and even if I'm imperfect I still am.
I know, I've read that we're all looking for our clans, our tribes. I would like to belong too. Sometimes. More often than not I just want to be the unfractured me with all my imperfections, the good things and the bad, the person who is constantly learning, living, trying and becoming. I'm not today who I was yesterday. I don't intend to be the same person tomorrow. I am impacted by my life experiences, but I can let them become a greater me rather than hold me down.
That sounds like a lot of work, a lot of effort. It gets tiring some days. There isn't always a lot of support, not from family, not from friends, not from community. But oddly, it's too tiring trying to move from tiny box to tiny box. I'm exhausted. I don't want to live by another's label anymore, I want to define me and who I really am. Trial and error, success and falling, learning, studying, becoming...being.
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